Well Fuck.

Dear Ryan,
wow second letter in an hour. Aren't you special?
Actually this isn't really directed at you. It's just you need to know.
Everyone who has been hurt badly before puts up invisible walls, defenses against the outside world that they use to keep themselves safe.
Breaking these hardly works well at all and usually ends in everything getting screwed over. Now being a prime example.

(Now's the part directed at you)
You know why I never seem confident? Why I never tend to say anything unless forced into it by others? Because that is one of my defense mechanisms. I play safe, I wont say anything of my own accord unless it absolutely has to be said. I was quite content in letting this attraction pass, you weren't.
God, I've been such a bitch lately... and you nor anyone else deserves it.
Everything is breaking down and my defensive walls are crumbling. In short shit's happening that I can't control and I'm changing even more into something I hate.
You know I can't stand not talking to you, you know I'm a selfish, self-righteous bitch, with ridiculous mood swings and a weird ass memory.
I honestly don't know what's come over me lately.. I'm so sorry you've had to face the brunt of it without warning, without a chance and without me thinking even. You probably get sick of me apologising... I just don't think.
You are awesome, an amazing friend... The person who's name was down first on the list of people I intend on making sure I stay in contact with once high school is over.
Man, I'm such a fucking bitch. Everything is always about me, we hardly talk about you anymore.
Courty.