.Jersey. ♥

Because Jersey just got colder and I'll have you know I'm scared to death that everything you had said to me was just a lie until you left, now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger, hold me up just a little bit longer, I'm just gone beyond repair.

One song and yet a thousand meanings. Let me explain, one of my all time favourite songs and it was introduced to me by a guy who lead me on and played me. Fun eh?
I don't know why, but it's all I've wanted to listen to lately, and yet it still reminds me of this douche who recorded an acoustic version of it and sent it to me.
It kinda brings me back to remembering not to get my hopes up, and reminds me why this year in particular I've had a lot harder time getting along with guys in general and guys that I've been attracted to.

I guess that brings me to my current concern, the guy I like now. He's proving difficult to get to know, and I really don't understand him what so ever. I don't know whether to wait and see what happens, wait it out or simply just force myself to stop liking him. Sadly the most difficult option is the last. Because there's all the 'what if' scenarios.
Guess he just acted weird when I saw him today but random coincidence.

Ergh, just so much stuff on my mind. And yeah, no one to really tell it all to that can help. Stupid everything.

.ToyStory, ♥

'When I was little my mother tried to throw away all my toys because I refused to clean them up. So she threw them all in the bin and I turned around and said "Well Father Christmas will bring me new ones!" that's how my older sister found out that he wasn't real...' a sly smile appeared on her face as she told the story for the thousandth time.


Pretty sure those words have a thousand new meanings and emotions attached to them. Funnily enough it didn't take me long to associate the words 'Toy Story' to a few things that came in similar. And for some reason the dirtiest sentence just buzzed into mind, which I will never repeat out loud.
Lets just say, I'm happy for now and where I'm at with it all. :)



Also, yes I've gone back to starting my posts the same way I used to, with bits and pieces that are meant to sound like they're from a story.
And I finally got my new keyboard and hello kitty mouse :D

.This is who I am. ♥

I complain.
I can be total idiot.
I'm a cluts.
I'm an emo kid, non conforming as can be ;D.
I over use emoticons.
I've lied.
I've broken promises.
I'm furthest away from perfect you'll ever find.
I have low self esteem.
I act happy when I'm not.
I worry too much.
I guilt trip people, a lot.
I argue with people.
I bitch when someone has annoyed me.

I love my friends.
I'm loyal to my friends.
I try to stay impartial in friend fights.
I sneeze loudly.
I put rips in my clothes.
I wear sunnies on my head at night if I go out.
I love the movies.
I love summer but not over heating.
I'm sarcastic.
I'm loyal.
I'm the person people love to hate.
I'm popular.
I'm a loner.
I'm random.
I'm romantic.
I'm heartless.


I am and can be all of the above, but I'm me. And as much as when I get down, I hate myself to no end; and wish I turned out the teenager I thought I would be as a child. I'm glad I am who I am, it makes me recognisable. It means I leave an imprint.
If anyone, which I doubt anyone will reads this. Next time I fake a smile, or force myself to laugh. Remind me of this post.

.For all the friends I don't deserve. ♥

.Yeah and fuck you too. ♥

So I was having an excellent day until I got back home from work.
My older sister asked me to pick up my little sister from kindy tomorrow.
When I said no she spazzed out about how much of a lazy bitch I am, when my reason for saying no was I HAVE WORK. I'm so sorry that I start at the time that she needs to be picked up. I'm sorry it takes me around half an hour to walk up there. I'm sorry I'm going to need to leave at fifteen past two to get to work on time. I'm so sorry I worked eight days straight last week. I'm so sorry I've slept in for two days in a row.
You have THREE sifts this week and didn't work at all last week. I had EIGHT shifts in a row last week and not pissy little THREE hour ones like YOU DO. I had at least FOUR EIGHT OUR SHIFTS. YOU NEVER WORK THAT LONG!

So yeah, I wont pick her up tomorrow because I have work. Least I'm not leaving you to think I have work when going shopping instead. So FUCK YOU TOO~

. I don't want to. ♥

No Courtney, Bad girl Courtney! Stop blushing you idiot. You can't do this shit again!

But I can't stop myself from blushing. I'm so screwed.

. :) .

Maybe, just maybe I may be falling for someone new. :)

.Miserable At Best. < / 3

"Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best"

Dear Dad,
I know it's a love song. But it hits me. And it makes me think of you.
There hasn't been 1 day in the past 4 years, 4 months and 20 days that you haven't crossed my mind.
And I HATE you for it.

.Exams.

I'm fucked.
But at least I'm going to try.

.This explains everything. < / 3

One of the many reasons I love my tumblr account. It provides me with pictures like this one. Explains everything perfectly in so little words. I like it. And it's true.



Stolen from imgfave

.I'm Sorry.

Here's a list of 20 good reasons why you, and no one else should like me:

1. I complain, a lot.
2. I'm a bad student
3. I'm selfish
4. I don't think before I act
5. I'm clingy
6. I don't like change
7. I don't stick to what I say I'll do
8. I'm forgetful
9. I remember stupid little things rather than the good
10. I have a short temper
11. I'm immature
12. I get really bad mood swings
13. When I 'fall' down I manage to bring everyone with me
14. I'm a hypocrite
    
15. I lie
16. I have double standards
17. I'm mentally unstable and get jealous really easily
    
18. I hold grudges
19. I'm lazy
20. I'm fat.

I'm sorry you have to put up with me, I'm glad you do. I'm sorry I don't always stick to my word. I'm sorry I can't force myself to study. I'm sorry all I do is complain. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I'll never be. I'm sorry I'd make a better artist than psychologist. I'm sorry I get low grades. I'm sorry I'm probably going to fail year 12 with 3 subjects. I'm sorry for distrusting you. I'm sorry for what I've made you do. I'm sorry I don't think anything will ever work out for 'us'. I'm sorry I'm such a failure.
I'm sorry I'm such a pessimist.

.What Happened?. ♥

I miss being able to talk to people easily... and not find it hard to make conversation.
I find it weird that we used to be able to talk for hours and hours... and still always have something to say... I find it weird that as one thing changes... everything else goes with it.
This isn't a complaint. More a worry... Something's changed and I'm not sure what it is. But I know it has...

Maybe... it was me.

.Roller Coaster Wreckage. ♥

That seems to describe my emotions of late. They've been up and down, all over the place... and finally screeched to a wrecking stop.
It does depend on who I'm with.. the surroundings and everything else that's going through my mind...
But I've realised as this retarded roller coaster goes round I'm pushing myself further away from people...slowly forcing myself into more anti social activities... and thinking a lot.
Honestly I shouldn't be allowed to think about anything... It just complicates everything... because I over think and over analyse...

And I'm not sure why, but recently I've begun missing my father again.... I guess this is the time when families start to get everything together, sort stuff out... I mean my mother doesn't even want ME to go to my 'graduation'. Yes, I know I'm not really graduating... But I'm passing my SACE and I've completed almost 12 years of schooling... It's a chance to meet my teachers and generally have a good night. But no, she refuses to go because I'm not fully graduating and is trying to discourage me from going because I'm returning next year.
Isn't the high school graduation ceremony, award ceremony etc, the parts where your family is meant to get together and go to?

It's times like this I miss my father, and as the dates move closer I miss him more. And it hurts, so much. It's like being 13 again and having him rip my heart out and tear it to pieces... all over again. I've been so tempted to call him, just to hear his voice... Just to have him say hello to me... Just once. I can't stand hearing stories from my friends about their fathers.. or how they do all this stuff with their families.... It tears me to pieces...

I hate my mother calling me a slut.
I hate my little sister getting everything she wants on a whim, no matter how expensive.
I hate my mother calling me fat.
I hate knowing how bad my weight is.
I hate the way I look.
I hate the way my clothes sit.
I hate not seeing my dad.
I hate being the reason my older sister doesn't see my dad.
I hate being the reason my uncle cried.
I hate being the reason why my family is so torn apart.
I hate not knowing where I stand.
I hate not understanding him.
I hate feeling like an idiot because I don't.
I hate the defense feeling like I'm going to get hurt.
I hate not being able to trust myself.
I hate that the only place I've felt content and happy with myself in the past few months is in his arms.
I hate that I can't control how far I've fallen.
I hate all this uncertainty.
I hate crying all the time.
I hate everything that I do.
I hate how I've become what I never wanted to be.
I hate that a lot of my clothes are black.
I hate that I'm not thin..


I love that my friends support me.
I love my best friend, but hate myself for not seeing her.
I love writing, but hate that almost everything I start, starts off as a letter stating 'Dear Dad'
I love drawing, but hate that what I do best is people crying.
I love the people I work with, but hate being there.
I love hearts and stars, but hate how I know no one will ever love me, or stare at the stars wondering what I'm thinking.
I love being a hopeless romantic, but hate being hopeless.

.Facebook Inboxes. ♥

Generally contain random conversations... the occasional DnM... etc.
Mine however, currently contains one rather drunken 16 year old trying to convince me of something I don't really believe.
"

drunk guy October 30 at 9:09pm

havin a party ayeeeeeeee

Im fair drunk tho aye haha ;)

me October 30 at 9:10pm

haha, figured you were drunk/stoned/on something, jeez, you called me sexy on a wall post.
then shouldn't you be off partying rather than inboxing me??

drunk guy October 30 at 9:11pm

nah not stoned tho

Haha can u blame me ?

me October 30 at 9:12pm

blame you for what? =/

drunk guy October 30 at 9:13pm

talking to you ;)"

That was ok, that I don't mind. Because it's not all together that bad and it can be passed for general chatter.

This is verging on weird:
"

drunk guy October 30 at 9:16pm

ye you are babe. id hell tap that aye! ;D

me October 30 at 9:19pm

Bahahahaha. Now you're just delusional.

drunk guy October 30 at 9:24pm

nah baby :) Your actual hell sexy

i can see y daniel got wit u aye ;)

Me October 30 at 9:25pm

bahahahaha. Daniel just needed a lay, I just happened to be available at the time.. simple.
and er... thanks?
But you really are delusional.

drunk guy October 30 at 9:26pm

noooooooooooo!!!
daneils a cunt for doing that tho. leadin you on andf shit.

but seriosly babe. you're pretty hott."

Mentioning a situation that I don't like talking about is just plain annoying, but getting the general gist of it wrong makes it worse.
Maybe I need to teach this guy what giving up looks like.

"drunk guy October 30 at 9:55pm

hey sexy i was thinkin.... coz we both single u reckon ud send some pics too me?"

What kind of a person does he take me for?
ok sure, I may have slept with his group's 'leader'... and I may be a flirt. But that doesn't make me a slut. Nudes aren't my thing, I never have and never will do them.

.There's 4 of them. ♥

Deleted upon request.

. 20 Good Reasons. ♥

I think from that entire, weird list. I only class 15 and 20 as good reasons... for keeping, not letting you go. :)

Maybe for once things are going my way. I like this. I like this a lot.
Although I probably should study... Meh, tomorrow. Tomorrow I shall study.

. And so it begins. ♥

Here's a post I just want you to read....
Just because you said you wouldn't ask me to wait...
I have every intention of waiting until my patience wears too thin.
You haven't asked. I've decided.
Something about you saying you didn't want to ask because it wasn't fair...
It just clicked, I want to wait for you... But it wont be forever... So just don't take an eternity okay?
You can make and ruin my day.. and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
So, I will wait... until the day that you prove you're not worth it.

.Swimming. ♥

It's my realise for all my anger... resentment.. sadness... depression...
I do laps not for fitness, just to work it all out..
It helps... even if I do usually end up crying in the water.
It helps to drive me to just do more and more until I can't keep myself afloat..
I guess it's not really all that healthy of me to almost drown myself by tiring myself out...
But it just helps..
Makes me strive more and more...
Trying to get the weight of the world off of my shoulders..
Into my own little world.. Where it's just the water and me.... Endless time.
No worries about what's going on... who's doing what... I guess that's why I do prefer the beach to our pool... because the ocean is almost endless... but more dangerous..
Oddly... and say I'm in 'love' with being slightly suicidal... I love the rush of actually having to TRY for something.. to TRY to get to the surface... to TRY to swim out as far as I can... the rush of even the idea of trying to out swim a shark...

Not many people know this...
But a few years ago when I went away for the weekend with a friend..
We were swimming and I got my ankle caught in some kelp...
And managed to get caught in a flash rip at the same time...
I kept on getting dragged under the water... Each time flailing to try and grasp a breath..
It was scary. That I'll admit.. and I've hated seaweed since...
But eventually.. I managed to get my foot free, then had the problem of getting out of the rip partially exhausted.

Despite so many years of SLS I completely blanked... and almost had one of the world's most digusting men come in to save me.
As soon as I got to the sand and just collapsed happy to be there... I had the biggest most amazing rush.
I'd survived something that I'd been trained to save people from.. and I realised just how hard it all was.
The pressure of trying so hard to get back to shore... the adrenaline rush.. everything about it..

I started my addiction to danger... and complete almost suicidal survival rushes..
Makes me wonder exactly how screwed up I really am.

.You.

You're such a fucking hypocrite!

.I miss..... ♥

Ever had one of those times when you just don't want to be yourself?

Well this is one of those times,
I miss my old friends, the way things used to be, the fun we had...
seeing all the photos from their last days of high school.. It gets to me... And here I am... whittling away the time before my 2010 exams...
Getting ready to repeat my 'final' year again next year... to be a part of the 'Class of 2011' not the 'Class of 2010' LIKE I was supposed to be.
I regret changing schools, even if at the time I thought it was the right decision...
I hate who I am and what I've become...
I've changed so much since I left... and I don't really like it.
I miss the way things were, so much... like seeing their photos brings tears to my eyes. I SHOULD have been one of the people in the photos... not just thinking.. wishing that I were with them.

I miss my best friends, I miss our conversations...
I miss my stories making their way around the year level and back... I miss being good at math... and science..
I miss wanting to be a surgeon.. or just a doctor... something better than where I'm headed.
I miss being fit, I miss being thin, I miss those stupid P.E. Lessons where we'd just muck around in the school pool...

I don't know what's up with me lately... I just feel like I've let myself down.. and there's no way to recover.

. 1:58:51 AM . ♥

deleted upon request.

.Just Close Your Eyes. ♥

One simple demand... such a disobedient boy.
I swear I'm in a dream...

Getting home at 2am on a school night...
Cuddles and kisses...
and a promise to take as much time as we can to make sure that this is real. :)
Warm hands...
Play fights...
A new found dislike for mint chewies...

Last night was amazing.
Just Sayin' :)

♥.♥.♥

.Courtney Grace. ♥

.Slippery Slopes. ♥

Why is it... When ever you have one argument with someone, over the smallest trivial matter that...
Even for ages afterwards you seem to keep arguing with them over stupid stuff?
Like asking your mum to go out... or how much they drink... that kind of stuff.
It's stupid and I hate when it happens.
So over this year.

.So I guess this is goodbye. ♥

Really not that much to say.. apart from goodbye.
After so many years of having you by my side... This is pretty much the end. The look of confusion you've given me lately shows that you have no idea what's coming or what's going on. The look of sadness and pain you give me when I put you out brings me to tears... every time. These past couple of days all I've done is cry over you. I have no idea how I'm going to cope when you're gone.

I wish it were easier... I wish it wasn't so... but everything has it's time. I wish knew a way to make it all better... and for you to be you again... but there's no hope of that now. This year has probably been the hardest for the both of us... Your age truly showing through. I wish I could pick you up and cuddle you the way I used to, or have you climb onto my shoulder just to nibble my cheek.

So this is goodbye. You're one of the only things that's kept me going through these long years... and my protector as I slept. I remember the night I was late home... and you ran up as loudly as you could just so you could make sure I was headed home and got there safely.... stopping every 3 metres or so. I'm going to miss your welcomes, and your morning cuddles. And probably the masses of white fluff you leave all over my stuff.
I love you Shake. But I don't want you to go. Even though you have to.
So I guess this is it.

.Love Stories. ♥

~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥~

Every love story has magic the whole way through it...
Love at first sight and all that jazz...
When I was a little girl I always loved the fairy tail love stories and grew up listening to a love story that seemed like a fairy tail.

~♥ ♥ ♥~

Although these love stories never tell of the awkward moments before the clarity of it all, they never speak of love growing from something lesser... and they never mention how long it'll take before you realise the one you've been looking for was right in front of you all along. They never speak of the moments of pure jealousy or the childish moments each shares. They never speak of the understanding and moments of unknown feelings... or the crushing moments of rejection.. even if in the slightest.

~♥♥♥~

All they mention is how madly in love they were... Not the whole path along the way...
But to these love stories I must say, they bring colour into a world of grey... A sparkle in someone's eye... And, hope in an otherwise meaningless world.

~♥ ♥ ♥~

.Letter Twelve. ♥

.Letter. 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Quite possibly the most feared letter of them all. Well here goes nothing....

Dear Dad.

Although I'm writing this now, I'm still so unsure of what to say. I guess the better part of this is that you wont and will never read it. It's not like you'd care much for this letter anyway.

There is nothing much to be said, all the bad words have been said and you know what I think... Well you KNEW what I thought those four years ago now... You're dodgy and shouldn't be allowed to call yourself a parent... ever. The pure idea of you being a part in my life now shatters my heart into a million pieces all over again. But the same time... The idea of you ignoring my existence and me doing the same back is just as terrifying as the alternate...

In a way, I hate the fact that you don't call, I hate that you didn't even attempt to comfort me at Nanna's funeral...Do you know how much pain this has caused the rest of your family?

Even if I tried... I'm not sure if I could ever forgive you for the pain you caused, the tears you brought... or the abandonment you left me with. I hate you almost as much as I miss and love you.

Just so you know, I'm EVERYTHING you said I could never be, I PROVED you wrong... And you don't even take notice... You, sad pathetic excuse for a man... You got your EX to scowl and snap at me when I was a minute late to the funeral. ONE MINUTE!

And then, I was the ONLY family member on a different row. The only one. You left me to cry on my own... So instead your father, my poppa stepped in and comforted me on my single saddest day this year. Now if that doesn't show that you are no more than a mere child then nothing does.

You know what? It's stupid, even after four years... It still stings when my friends talk about their fathers and everything they've done with them... or even the complaints about the small things that they do to annoy. And it hurts even more when everyone goes on about how much time they spend with their fathers. I hate you for what you've done to me... And what you're still doing to me...

Wounds ever as fresh as the day they were cut,

tears ever as fast,

shuttering breaths just to hold back wailing.

I love you.... More than you will ever hear.

So many regrets,

so much torment,

Why are you such a child.

I hate you, and that's all you're going to hear.

.Courtney Grace. ♥

.Letter Eleven. ♥

.Letter. 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to

Oh man… I can’t even think of how to start either of these letters. Even thinking about them is making me tear up... But they need to be done.

The most dreaded letter of them all.

Dear Grandad,

Well, it’s been 7 years now… Seven long, tiring, sad years. It’s weird, all I have to do is think about you and I instantly start crying… One would think the pain and sadness would have stemmed by now… but it hasn’t. In a way I’m still the 10 year old child I was when you left… Just a bit different in looks and know how. I still remember the last day I saw you, how pale and exhausted you looked… But you forced yourself into a smile just for me… well us. Because we weren’t going to be with you that weekend. Some of the happiest most amazing times in my life have involved you in some way…

Remember that Easter that you and Grandma came over for in Perth? And we one the first prize in the school Easter raffle? And you told me to not eat all my chocolate on the one day because I’d get sick… and I proved you wrong? Or swimming in the small pool we had… or watching you dive in from the shallow end to the deep in one big swoop.

Grandad, you were always so strong, so inspiring, so lively… so cuddly! It’s weird looking through the photos from when I was young and seeing just how alive you were… your eyes shined brighter than the first star in the sky, and more amazingly so when Grandma was around. It’s thanks to you that I believe in love, and that sometimes it’s worth breaking the rules for someone you love.

When I see the photos from just after you were diagnosed that life, and love that shone so amazingly in your eyes, seems to have dashed behind a cloud… All the joy and happiness that they held gone.

Man oh man, now I really am roaring. I hope you know exactly how much I miss you, and wish that you were still here… You were taken too soon, and I still need you. You, my dear Grandfather understood me like no other. You knew me a little better than everyone else, simply because we were so alike.

There was this one day in Bunnings a few years ago, and mum and I were looking at roses… she allowed me to pick one. I picked the peace rose… not entirely sure why I had at the time.. But something just clicked and I wanted it above all the others…turns out you made sure that you had peace roses in every garden that you had, because they were your favourites.

With all the misguided, misplaced love I have,

Your Granddaughter,

Courtney

.Letter Ten. ♥

.Letter. 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear Daniel,

I find it kinda weird how our friendship fluctuates between non existent to quite good. We go through times where we talk... well at least acknowledge one another and times when it’s easier just to pretend like the other isn’t there.

You’re an amazing friend, who despite my friends thinking the worst of you, tends to be there when I actually need you... and when I need help with stuff for one of my subjects!

I do prefer it when we talk, simply because you’re easy to talk to... and you’re not in my group! :P So this letter is for you, because we don’t talk as much as I’d like to… I guess the end of May and the start of June kinda ruined that! But when I do get to talk to you I always end up feeling bad because all I do is complain!... well now days anyway.

You’re quite an awesome friend, guy, person… intelligent being.

Sincerely,

Courts.

Dear Branden,

Yes dearest Pelty this is directed at you! We don’t talk as much as we used to and I feel rather bad about it... especially since the main things that we talk about is my slow stealing of your girlfriend… and anything that makes me feel like crap. You’re always caring, always there… and I do kinda treat you like crap.. =/

I’m going to miss watching you fidget while Will lectures the class or randomly just pulling you aside to talk in class. =D

Stupid year 12 has almost pulled our little friendship apart, but I hope you know that doesn’t mean it’s not there! It’s still alive and kicking…. Under a blanket… in a forest… haha.

I’m glad you’ll persevere with the fact that your other main friends hate me… and that your girlfriend loves me. It makes for a continually interesting friendship for sure! I remember last year when you were in my class… man that was entertaining. And you! Mr. Intelligent, always help me with understanding stuff when I don’t already! Which makes you so much extra than a friend! It makes you a tutor too!

With acknowledgement of stealing your girlfriend,

Courty.

Xx

.Courtney Grace. ♥

Well Fuck.

Dear Ryan,
wow second letter in an hour. Aren't you special?
Actually this isn't really directed at you. It's just you need to know.
Everyone who has been hurt badly before puts up invisible walls, defenses against the outside world that they use to keep themselves safe.
Breaking these hardly works well at all and usually ends in everything getting screwed over. Now being a prime example.

(Now's the part directed at you)
You know why I never seem confident? Why I never tend to say anything unless forced into it by others? Because that is one of my defense mechanisms. I play safe, I wont say anything of my own accord unless it absolutely has to be said. I was quite content in letting this attraction pass, you weren't.
God, I've been such a bitch lately... and you nor anyone else deserves it.
Everything is breaking down and my defensive walls are crumbling. In short shit's happening that I can't control and I'm changing even more into something I hate.
You know I can't stand not talking to you, you know I'm a selfish, self-righteous bitch, with ridiculous mood swings and a weird ass memory.
I honestly don't know what's come over me lately.. I'm so sorry you've had to face the brunt of it without warning, without a chance and without me thinking even. You probably get sick of me apologising... I just don't think.
You are awesome, an amazing friend... The person who's name was down first on the list of people I intend on making sure I stay in contact with once high school is over.
Man, I'm such a fucking bitch. Everything is always about me, we hardly talk about you anymore.
Courty.

.Not Actually A Letter. ♥

Dear Ryan,
Honestly I don't understand you. You make me freaking crazy.
This is not a kind letter, oh no it's not.
You do stupid little things and they drive me nuts.
You INSIST on making me say stuff or admitting to stuff I don't really want to.
To be honest you drive me up the wall.
Playing around to make me admit that I like you was a DICK MOVE.
Even more so when we both know you have no intention to use the information for anything more beneficial than an ego boost for you.
I don't like being the person you just go to when your 'level' is high. Fuck, wait til it reaches peak and go screw a guy.
I don't like feeling like you're using me for when there's no one else. You know there's issues with that..
Honestly.. this is all about last night and how weird you acted today. Not cool.
You know I can't ever stay angry at you. But seriously... hurting me? That's just a little too far.

.Letter Nine. ♥

.Letter. 9 — someone you wish you could meet

Dear Mark,

You have been waiting for this letter for such a long time… To be honest I’m not even sure what to say. You can most of the time make my day, and you’re oddly enough one of the few people that can make me smile even without meaning to. You’re so good and easy to talk to, and there’s times when having you be the frist to say anything to me is the only thing that has made me smile in a while. I’m sorry that I make you worry, or when I’ve upset you. When I say it, genuinely don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl… I can take care of myself. I go through periods of not really talking and getting really talkative.

But your care and you time wasted on me means a lot. I’m sorry for not being there for you as much as I should be. And I’m really sorry that I make you worry. Hopefully sometime in the upcoming few holidays we can meet and form a band like you said with me as the singer :P

Courtney. ♥

Courtney Grace