.Letter Twelve. ♥

.Letter. 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Quite possibly the most feared letter of them all. Well here goes nothing....

Dear Dad.

Although I'm writing this now, I'm still so unsure of what to say. I guess the better part of this is that you wont and will never read it. It's not like you'd care much for this letter anyway.

There is nothing much to be said, all the bad words have been said and you know what I think... Well you KNEW what I thought those four years ago now... You're dodgy and shouldn't be allowed to call yourself a parent... ever. The pure idea of you being a part in my life now shatters my heart into a million pieces all over again. But the same time... The idea of you ignoring my existence and me doing the same back is just as terrifying as the alternate...

In a way, I hate the fact that you don't call, I hate that you didn't even attempt to comfort me at Nanna's funeral...Do you know how much pain this has caused the rest of your family?

Even if I tried... I'm not sure if I could ever forgive you for the pain you caused, the tears you brought... or the abandonment you left me with. I hate you almost as much as I miss and love you.

Just so you know, I'm EVERYTHING you said I could never be, I PROVED you wrong... And you don't even take notice... You, sad pathetic excuse for a man... You got your EX to scowl and snap at me when I was a minute late to the funeral. ONE MINUTE!

And then, I was the ONLY family member on a different row. The only one. You left me to cry on my own... So instead your father, my poppa stepped in and comforted me on my single saddest day this year. Now if that doesn't show that you are no more than a mere child then nothing does.

You know what? It's stupid, even after four years... It still stings when my friends talk about their fathers and everything they've done with them... or even the complaints about the small things that they do to annoy. And it hurts even more when everyone goes on about how much time they spend with their fathers. I hate you for what you've done to me... And what you're still doing to me...

Wounds ever as fresh as the day they were cut,

tears ever as fast,

shuttering breaths just to hold back wailing.

I love you.... More than you will ever hear.

So many regrets,

so much torment,

Why are you such a child.

I hate you, and that's all you're going to hear.

.Courtney Grace. ♥

.Letter Eleven. ♥

.Letter. 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to

Oh man… I can’t even think of how to start either of these letters. Even thinking about them is making me tear up... But they need to be done.

The most dreaded letter of them all.

Dear Grandad,

Well, it’s been 7 years now… Seven long, tiring, sad years. It’s weird, all I have to do is think about you and I instantly start crying… One would think the pain and sadness would have stemmed by now… but it hasn’t. In a way I’m still the 10 year old child I was when you left… Just a bit different in looks and know how. I still remember the last day I saw you, how pale and exhausted you looked… But you forced yourself into a smile just for me… well us. Because we weren’t going to be with you that weekend. Some of the happiest most amazing times in my life have involved you in some way…

Remember that Easter that you and Grandma came over for in Perth? And we one the first prize in the school Easter raffle? And you told me to not eat all my chocolate on the one day because I’d get sick… and I proved you wrong? Or swimming in the small pool we had… or watching you dive in from the shallow end to the deep in one big swoop.

Grandad, you were always so strong, so inspiring, so lively… so cuddly! It’s weird looking through the photos from when I was young and seeing just how alive you were… your eyes shined brighter than the first star in the sky, and more amazingly so when Grandma was around. It’s thanks to you that I believe in love, and that sometimes it’s worth breaking the rules for someone you love.

When I see the photos from just after you were diagnosed that life, and love that shone so amazingly in your eyes, seems to have dashed behind a cloud… All the joy and happiness that they held gone.

Man oh man, now I really am roaring. I hope you know exactly how much I miss you, and wish that you were still here… You were taken too soon, and I still need you. You, my dear Grandfather understood me like no other. You knew me a little better than everyone else, simply because we were so alike.

There was this one day in Bunnings a few years ago, and mum and I were looking at roses… she allowed me to pick one. I picked the peace rose… not entirely sure why I had at the time.. But something just clicked and I wanted it above all the others…turns out you made sure that you had peace roses in every garden that you had, because they were your favourites.

With all the misguided, misplaced love I have,

Your Granddaughter,

Courtney

.Letter Ten. ♥

.Letter. 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear Daniel,

I find it kinda weird how our friendship fluctuates between non existent to quite good. We go through times where we talk... well at least acknowledge one another and times when it’s easier just to pretend like the other isn’t there.

You’re an amazing friend, who despite my friends thinking the worst of you, tends to be there when I actually need you... and when I need help with stuff for one of my subjects!

I do prefer it when we talk, simply because you’re easy to talk to... and you’re not in my group! :P So this letter is for you, because we don’t talk as much as I’d like to… I guess the end of May and the start of June kinda ruined that! But when I do get to talk to you I always end up feeling bad because all I do is complain!... well now days anyway.

You’re quite an awesome friend, guy, person… intelligent being.

Sincerely,

Courts.

Dear Branden,

Yes dearest Pelty this is directed at you! We don’t talk as much as we used to and I feel rather bad about it... especially since the main things that we talk about is my slow stealing of your girlfriend… and anything that makes me feel like crap. You’re always caring, always there… and I do kinda treat you like crap.. =/

I’m going to miss watching you fidget while Will lectures the class or randomly just pulling you aside to talk in class. =D

Stupid year 12 has almost pulled our little friendship apart, but I hope you know that doesn’t mean it’s not there! It’s still alive and kicking…. Under a blanket… in a forest… haha.

I’m glad you’ll persevere with the fact that your other main friends hate me… and that your girlfriend loves me. It makes for a continually interesting friendship for sure! I remember last year when you were in my class… man that was entertaining. And you! Mr. Intelligent, always help me with understanding stuff when I don’t already! Which makes you so much extra than a friend! It makes you a tutor too!

With acknowledgement of stealing your girlfriend,

Courty.

Xx

.Courtney Grace. ♥